Tesla Motors Inc (TSLA) Zombie Apocalypse Ready Model X SUV

Tesla Motors Inc Model X off road

Tesla Motors Inc held a launch event on Wednesday for the Model X, an EV SUV that the firm promised three years ago. There’s been a bit of a mixed reaction to the car so far. Those reading about the Model X for the first time are amazed by its apparently futuristic features, those who followed every rumor found themselves disappointed by the lack of a major surprise. That second group might have missed something.

Tesla Motors Inc Model X off road

Though Elon Musk has said pretty clearly that the Model X is being aimed at women, there’s another market that he may be going for. Back in 2012 there were quite a few people around the world, with the United States being a particular hotspot, who thought the world was coming to an end. Tesla Motors just built a dream car for those waiting on the zombie apocalypse.

Tesla Motors tips the real reason to own the Model X

There was one weird little feature among the line-up that Elon Musk revealed for the Model X on Tuesday night in Fremont, California. The EV SUV will have an air conditioning tech that will filter the air to a medical grade. If you’re wondering when you and your family might need sterile air, Elon Musk has a good explanation: “If there was a bioweapon attack, all you need to do is get in your car.”

The tech works by maintaining higher than atmospheric pressure inside the cabin of the Model X while filtering all external air through a HEPA filter.

Not all zombie attacks are brought on by an airborne attack. In fact most are transmitted through a bite. In a case where a zombie infection can’t be held off by the air system in the Model X, the feature will still prove useful in keeping the air inside the cabin free of the disease, and likely most of the smell, coming from a world dying and then shuffling around aimlessly.

That’s not the only way in which Tesla Motors has worked to help you in the event of a last-man-standing situation, or even a man-on-the-run kind of deal.

Meet the real Model X

The Model X really is the perfect car of the zombie apocalypse. The engine in much simpler in an EV than in an ICE car, and it’s less prone to breaking down. The battery is going to last a good eight or ten years by Tesla’s count, and it’s a lot easier to generate your own power than it is to make your own petrol.

It’s not going to let you down on speed either. The Ludicrous Model X can go from 0-60 in 3.2 seconds. That makes it fast enough to get away from almost anything you run into in the zombie apocalypse, even if a fast zombie leaps out.

The highest range model X will go for 250 miles, and it will do it with lots of room for storage. Whether you want to start your own band of plucky survivors or you just want to hoard all the extra weapons and food you can find, the Model X has you covered. The EV SUV has more storage in the trunk, and the frunk, though you’ll have to go beyond the bioweapon shield that Elon Musk worked so hard to build for you.

The Model X also sports a handy tow bar that means you can add a trailer to the mix and get on with some real looting while everyone else is still trying to start their cars.

Apart from being big and fast, the Model X is also strong. The driving in the zombie apocalypse may be a little bit hectic compared to what you’re used to, but it should be a good deal safer inside the confines of the Model X.

Elon Musk says he expects the car to get top marks across the safety tests in the US. If the Model X is anything like its big brother the Model S it will break the testing machines before they assign it a score.

Tesla Motors makes cars hard to fix

Tesla Motors  has only been around for twelve years, and the firm’s Model S Sedan has only been on the road sine 2012. As of right now it’s still hard to find a third party that will fix the cars, and it’s hard to see why there would be. Most of the units on the road right now are still under at least some of their warranty.

If the end of times were to break out today the Model X wouldn’t be the best choice of car. Tesla Motors doesn’t make the issues its cars have easy to solve.

Perhaps Elon Musk, were he to survive through the zombie apocalypse, would be able to get his busted door handle to work, but most who shelled out $100,000 to save themselves from the walking dead would be stuck on the wrong side of their bioweapon shielding air system.

The big point of weakness, and as Mr. Musk pointed out it might be the “largest piece of glass [read: structural weakness] in a car ever, I believe,” Musk says. “At least, that’s what the glass manufacturers tell us.”

If your windshield breaks, that bioweapon dampening air flow system won’t do much for anyone.

Don’t count on the Model X

Tesla Motors works on its cars after release, and the firm often changes parts and adds options as time goes on. In order to make the Model X the perfect car for the end times there’s a few things that might need doing. Here’s a run down of how the Model X would perform well in the zombie apocalypse, and where it’s going to fail.

What the Model X gets right:

  1. Bioweapon/Zombie odor protection.
  2. Acceleration for quick getaways.
  3. Tow bar for storage.
  4. Easy power generation.
  5. Long range for safe-house hunting.
  6. Plenty of storage for weapons, or sidekicks.
  7. Built to stand a collision.

Here’s where it goes wrong:

  1. Massive windshield that will ruin the car if broken.
  2. Use of non-standard parts, like said windshield, that will make it hard to fix.
  3. Lack of info on how to fix problems.

Tesla Motors keeps a pretty tight grip on its service manuals, and it’s not clear how much they cover. In the case of a zombie apocalypse any surviving Model X owner would want to get their hands on one right away. That’s not too likely given the way Tesla Motors has handled the issue so far, and the firm’s service centers are unlikely to take calls on the morning of an outbreak.

For now the Tesla Motors Model X may be closing in on the best in class for beating the zombie apocalypse, but it’s still got a long way to go before it can beat a pick up with a service manual and plenty of spare parts lying around. It’ll be a shame about the smell, but a working car’s going to beat one that’s stood still nine times out of ten.

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